


Calendar Girl

by dance_across



Category: Deadpool (2016)
Genre: Drabble Collection, Established Relationship, F/M, Holidays
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-05
Updated: 2016-03-29
Packaged: 2018-05-24 21:57:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6168148
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dance_across/pseuds/dance_across
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Drabbles for a few of the holidays Wade and Vanessa might have celebrated during their first year together.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Secretaries' Day

“Honey, I’m ho—Why’s there a desk here?”

“Borrowed it,” replies Wade. “And the chair. Happy Secretaries’ Day.”

Vanessa tosses her purse onto the bed, eyeing the desk as a smile creeps across her face. She raises an eyebrow. “You do know it’s called ‘Administrative Professionals’ Day’ now, right?”

“Sure, but the movie I’m thinking of is called _Secretary_. Not _Administrative Professional._ ”

A thrill ignites Vanessa; she gets it now.

“So who gets to be James Spader?” she asks—just as Wade says, “So who gets to be Maggie Gyllenhaal?”

Vanessa grins. “Guess that answers that question, huh? Sit down.”


	2. Earth Day

“I think this is illegal,” says Vanessa, letting Wade unhook her bra. “Public indecency or something.”

“Oh, I _know_ it’s illegal,” says Wade, bending to scrape his teeth over one of her nipples. “Since when d’you care about that?”

“Since I—mmm!—since… nope. Never mind. Don’t care.” She lets him lie her back on the grass, hidden by the bushes around them. “Except, ow. That’s a rock.”

“It’s _nature_.”

“It’s a rock. Let me just move it. There.”

Wade starts easing her skirt off. Then stops. “Did you…?”

“Yup.”

“Make _panties_ out of _leaves_?”

“Nature, baby.”

“Nature’s the _best_.”


	3. National Taco Day

“Happy National Taco Day,” says Vanessa, who’s wearing her favorite super short dress.

Barely seeming to see her, Wade replies, “I’m going to eat all the tacos there are.”

“And then?” Vanessa raises a suggestive eyebrow.

“No.” Wade’s voice goes pointedly deeper. “I’m worried what you heard was, ‘I’m going to eat a lot of tacos.’ What I _said_ was—”

“Are you being Ron Swanson, or are you being serious?”

“I’m being both.” Wade heads for the door. “You coming or not?”

“But I have a…!”

Nope. Wade’s already gone.

“Brand-new taco-patterned bra,” mutters Vanessa, and runs to catch up.


	4. International Talk Like a Pirate Day

“Shiver me timbers, dearie,” Wade growls, pulling down his shorts. “Methinks it be time for ye to walk the plank.”

Vanessa looks down as he sits on their bed; he’s stroking himself with one hand.

“Wait. Is _that_ the plank? Because if yes, your metaphors might be a little…”

“Too much?” says Wade.

“No,” says Vanessa, who’s currently wearing an eyepatch, a black corset, and a plastic hook. “Just… slightly inaccurate, maybe? Because of the walking part?”

Wade looks down. Then he smiles, slowly, up at Vanessa.

“Or,” she says. “I _could_ use my feet, if you wanted me to....”


	5. Opposite Day

“You’re the worst.”

“Your _face_ is the worst.”

“Your _boobs_ are the worst.”

“Your _penis_ is the worst.”

“Your hair’s stupid and unattractive and… and whatever the opposite of ‘really, really soft’ is.”

“I definitely do _not_ want to climb into your lap and fuck you right here in this bar.”

“Uh, guys,” says Weasel, quietly pouring a Guinness.

“Oh, please don’t do that,” Wade tells Vanessa. “That’s the worst idea ever.”

Weasel looks seriously worried. “Could you at least take him home for the fucking?”

Vanessa smiles slyly.

“Happy Opposite Day, Weasel,” she says, and reaches for Wade’s zipper.


	6. Haiku Poetry Day

“Mine first,” says Vanessa. She hands Wade her card; he opens it and reads aloud:

“ _You want the world to_  
_Think you’re apathetic but_  
_Your eyes betray you”_

He looks up. “Jesus.”

She smiles. “You like?”

“Uh, obviously? You sexy brainiac.” He grins. “Now read mine. I did it lowercase with no punctuation. For extra poeticness.”

“That’s not a word,” says Vanessa, opening the card.

_oh my god dat ass_  
_want to stick my dick in it_  
_please oh please can i_  
  
“Wade…” But she’s laughing too hard to say anything else.

Wade bounces on the bed. “So? Can I?”


End file.
